March 13th, 2007
Just wanted to let everyone know that the surgery went very well. 4 hours from start to finish. Preliminary results do not show that the cancer was in the sentinel lymph nodes which is encouraging. Full results in about 6 days. Julie is in recovery and very sleepy at the moment. She is in room 809 SW tower at Swedish main campus. We expect her to be released on Thursday. She did manage to find one spectacular pair of shoes yesterday to cheer her up. Trevor
Just wanted to let everyone know that the surgery went very well. 4 hours from start to finish. Preliminary results do not show that the cancer was in the sentinel lymph nodes which is encouraging. Full results in about 6 days. Julie is in recovery and very sleepy at the moment. She is in room 809 SW tower at Swedish main campus. We expect her to be released on Thursday. She did manage to find one spectacular pair of shoes yesterday to cheer her up. Trevor
March 21st, 2007- Introduction
Howdy gang! It is the 8 year old boy speaking to you instead of Trevor! Actually my surgeon was able to put 50 cc’s in during my surgery so it isn’t exactly 8 yr old boy, more 12 yr old girl though Dave Trudeau is happy to remind me that his breasts are still bigger than mine were originally.
I am sitting in a fabulous little Organic café that just moved into the Swedish Campus and am enjoying my first mocha in ten days or so….. I was planning to give them up b/c I suffered the withdrawals while heavily medicated in the hospital and thought this would be a good time to give up the extra 400 calories a day…. But didn’t exactly get the news I was hoping for this morning so made a quick dash to the nearest coffee shop (better than a gin and tonic at 10:00 a.m.)
Nothing has been black and white about my case from the start and it still appears that way. I am recovering nicely from the surgery though will have my drains in for another week or so and still feel like I was trampled by elephants. Shannon said my first words out of surgery were “spectacular” – I must have been talking about the drugs or dreaming of something shiny like the shoes I bought after my pre op appt last week. I think I was actually talking about the new play list Brian Slick made for me…….song #2 has been my anthem through the hospital stay and I’m hooked……… thanks for that Brian (e mail me the name of that song and the artist if you can).
Anyhooo……….. My oncologist this morning told us that my cancer had a small amount of invasive tissue. Good news I think in terms of mortality. This cancer is not going to kill me but it may mean that treatment is in my future. She is waiting for more information. Not all of the results from pathology are back and she would also like an opportunity to present my case to the medical board here at Swedish to have some other cancer specialists’ weigh in…….. right now we are trying to balance the long term effects that chemo and other treatment may have on my health vs. possibly leaving me with the possibility of a recurrence some where else in my body…. Appt. again with her next Thursday at 4:00 pm… will have to make a decision about my future then I guess. So the news isn’t bad but not exactly good either………. Hmmmmmmmm….. what to do…..what to do…
For now my future seems very clear…. 10:30 appt. with my surgeon and then Betsey…. And then Nordstrom shoes or possibly Nordstrom shoes. .. and then Betsey…. Decisions, decisions…. I am just joking….. Proud to say that I am in heels this morning but not moving real fast or steady yet so my favorite places to be will just have to wait another day or two… Thank very much to my favorite people for all of your calls and prayers and well wishes…..the flowers were amazing and have been a full time job for my mom—she is keeping them watered and trimmed… and thank you very much Brien and Angela for the use of the condo… I am camped out on the couch but it has made my recovery so much nicer….and Chuck and Shannon have been wonderful to me …Shannon has done a spectacular job of renting some children for a
birthday marathon tomorrow for Campbell…….. 10:00 hair and nails at Gene Juarez……1:30 party for the girls at Libby Lou and 5:00 p.m party at The Rat (Chucky Cheese) mommy will be tuckered out! Thanks again for every thing…. I will update you again next week.
Love to all of you…… Julie
March 26th, 2007 10:00 a.m. – Chapter One
Howdy gang!
I am off to my appt with my plastic surgeon this morning…..my drains were removed on Friday (Thank God!) and I will have my third “expansion” this morning. I hope to have one more before I return to Ketchikan. There was some confusion about my last e-mail and I just wanted to let everyone know that my appt. with the oncologist is not until this Thurs. I hope to have a better idea then about what the future holds. I did receive the rest of my pathology report and it just confirmed that the pathology of the cancer was a small amount of “high grade” invasive cancer that would not be appropriate for “other” treatments so if the docs. think it should be treated, then chemo would probably be my only option. I am of the mind that I will look lousy as a bald 8 year old boy so can see myself opting out of that if I can get away with it. We’ll see…….
Campbell’s birthday was a great success and I pulled myself together for one whole day. The side effect was that I slept for twenty four hours afterwards and feel like I’ve been snoozing ever since. She’s a very lucky little 5 year old and we feel blessed to have so many friends who helped make her big day special.
Trevor arranged for us to go to a concert last night with Chuck and Shannon and we saw The Feeling and Mat Kearney…..I was still humming “All I Need” when I got ready for bed last night. As always I closed my eyes and wrapped myself in visions of warm memories.
Thanks again to all of you who have helped me through this experience…. all of the flowers and cards, music, prayers… and little surprises along the way…..I saved the voice mails and listened to them when I needed the connection in the hospital…. . The doctors and nurses keep telling me that I am handling everything surprisingly well and I tell them that I have a lot of support and because of it feel very lucky. Don’t get me wrong, when I look at my chest I am still surprised and a little sad too see the destruction. It reminds me of something that’s been ruined… but I am told that it is temporary so will just have to put off my career as a topless dancer for another time.
I am sitting in a fabulous little Organic café that just moved into the Swedish Campus and am enjoying my first mocha in ten days or so….. I was planning to give them up b/c I suffered the withdrawals while heavily medicated in the hospital and thought this would be a good time to give up the extra 400 calories a day…. But didn’t exactly get the news I was hoping for this morning so made a quick dash to the nearest coffee shop (better than a gin and tonic at 10:00 a.m.)
Nothing has been black and white about my case from the start and it still appears that way. I am recovering nicely from the surgery though will have my drains in for another week or so and still feel like I was trampled by elephants. Shannon said my first words out of surgery were “spectacular” – I must have been talking about the drugs or dreaming of something shiny like the shoes I bought after my pre op appt last week. I think I was actually talking about the new play list Brian Slick made for me…….song #2 has been my anthem through the hospital stay and I’m hooked……… thanks for that Brian (e mail me the name of that song and the artist if you can).
Anyhooo……….. My oncologist this morning told us that my cancer had a small amount of invasive tissue. Good news I think in terms of mortality. This cancer is not going to kill me but it may mean that treatment is in my future. She is waiting for more information. Not all of the results from pathology are back and she would also like an opportunity to present my case to the medical board here at Swedish to have some other cancer specialists’ weigh in…….. right now we are trying to balance the long term effects that chemo and other treatment may have on my health vs. possibly leaving me with the possibility of a recurrence some where else in my body…. Appt. again with her next Thursday at 4:00 pm… will have to make a decision about my future then I guess. So the news isn’t bad but not exactly good either………. Hmmmmmmmm….. what to do…..what to do…
For now my future seems very clear…. 10:30 appt. with my surgeon and then Betsey…. And then Nordstrom shoes or possibly Nordstrom shoes. .. and then Betsey…. Decisions, decisions…. I am just joking….. Proud to say that I am in heels this morning but not moving real fast or steady yet so my favorite places to be will just have to wait another day or two… Thank very much to my favorite people for all of your calls and prayers and well wishes…..the flowers were amazing and have been a full time job for my mom—she is keeping them watered and trimmed… and thank you very much Brien and Angela for the use of the condo… I am camped out on the couch but it has made my recovery so much nicer….and Chuck and Shannon have been wonderful to me …Shannon has done a spectacular job of renting some children for a
birthday marathon tomorrow for Campbell…….. 10:00 hair and nails at Gene Juarez……1:30 party for the girls at Libby Lou and 5:00 p.m party at The Rat (Chucky Cheese) mommy will be tuckered out! Thanks again for every thing…. I will update you again next week.Love to all of you…… Julie
March 26th, 2007 10:00 a.m. – Chapter One
Howdy gang!
I am off to my appt with my plastic surgeon this morning…..my drains were removed on Friday (Thank God!) and I will have my third “expansion” this morning. I hope to have one more before I return to Ketchikan. There was some confusion about my last e-mail and I just wanted to let everyone know that my appt. with the oncologist is not until this Thurs. I hope to have a better idea then about what the future holds. I did receive the rest of my pathology report and it just confirmed that the pathology of the cancer was a small amount of “high grade” invasive cancer that would not be appropriate for “other” treatments so if the docs. think it should be treated, then chemo would probably be my only option. I am of the mind that I will look lousy as a bald 8 year old boy so can see myself opting out of that if I can get away with it. We’ll see…….
Campbell’s birthday was a great success and I pulled myself together for one whole day. The side effect was that I slept for twenty four hours afterwards and feel like I’ve been snoozing ever since. She’s a very lucky little 5 year old and we feel blessed to have so many friends who helped make her big day special.
Trevor arranged for us to go to a concert last night with Chuck and Shannon and we saw The Feeling and Mat Kearney…..I was still humming “All I Need” when I got ready for bed last night. As always I closed my eyes and wrapped myself in visions of warm memories.
Thanks again to all of you who have helped me through this experience…. all of the flowers and cards, music, prayers… and little surprises along the way…..I saved the voice mails and listened to them when I needed the connection in the hospital…. . The doctors and nurses keep telling me that I am handling everything surprisingly well and I tell them that I have a lot of support and because of it feel very lucky. Don’t get me wrong, when I look at my chest I am still surprised and a little sad too see the destruction. It reminds me of something that’s been ruined… but I am told that it is temporary so will just have to put off my career as a topless dancer for another time.
Hope you are all well… I think the plan was to go to Sedro Woolley today after the appts. so I could see my dads family for a day or two. I always enjoy that drive but wish the Tulips were in bloom….. the Cherry blossoms have been incredible down here. Cross your fingers… I hope to go for my first run today…. we’ll see how I feel…. My first two expansions were a little tough to take but I have high hopes that I will stop acting like a hypochondriac and will pull myself together.
I have my cell phone on now and am off medication so consider myself practically coherent. I hope to write again on Thurs. but if not will be home on the early flight on Sunday so can send out an e mail then if I am brave enough to go to work……
Thanks again for thinking of me…….
j
Campbell Rose Sande and her birthday
extravaganza, March 22, 2007
March 29, 2007 7:00 pm – Chapter Two
“Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all.” Emily Dickenson
I love that quote….if you have ever spent time in the Swedish Cancer Center then you know exactly where it is located…. But for the rest of you, it is written on the wall as you enter the building and I think it is just such a nice way to welcome people…..even those who at times must feel without hope.
I am one of the lucky people in that my illness is one that has many options and with those options comes the hope that at some point all of this will be behind me and I will watch my children grow into unruly teenagers and adults who still enjoy the company of their mother.
When I wrote last I was waiting for my oncologist to have a medical board meeting at which time she would bounce my case off of the heads of her colleagues. She was also hoping to see the whites of the Pathologists’ eye balls as she asked the question: “Are you certain that the invasive portion is only 3 mm?” That question was as important as finding out the aggressive nature of the cancer. What she found was that the portion of the tumor that was tested was 3 mm of invasive estrogen receptor negative. This indicated that it is a more aggressive form of cancer than was hoped for……. Now back to the original question….. was it only 3 mm? His response was: “Yes, of the portion tested there was 3 mm of invasive cancer, however, there were several other areas that were of concern that were not tested”………..if those untested areas were added together and were hypothetically all invasive too then the area of invasive cancer could be more than 1 centimeter, well above the 5 mm threshold for treatment soooooooooooo…….. in a nutshell…. it is clearly in my best interest to do a round of Chemo to treat any microscopic invasive cells that may have broken off either from the original site or possibly from these other areas that we do not know the pathology of….. Treatment for me will be 6 months of chemo that I hope to be able to do in KTN…. I will not be able to begin treatment for 3 weeks b/c of my recent surgery so will plan to start at the end of April.
I have to say that the reconstruction is worse than the Mastectomy. My expansion today was 100 cc’s instead of 50 so the pain makes the recovery of surgery seem like a walk in the park. The percocet and flexorol don’t seem to be working so I am washing them down with Coors Light in hopes of getting on top of it…… But other than that I am doing fine….. I am grateful for the option of treatment, I am grateful that reconstruction is possible (I am back to a B cup now! Albeit a scarred, misshapen, beat up little B, but a B nonetheless), and I feel fortunate every time life sits me down on my ass….because it always leads to a better appreciation of life. The fact that I have many more years ahead of me seems like a blessing that I was otherwise overlooking. Shawn said something the other day that made me think. While going through the Seattle aquarium I was struggling to keep up and Shawn circled back and grabbed my hand: “ Mom, want to know something good about your cancer? Now you and I can walk everywhere together because now we’re the same speed since I am always dawdling. You don’t walk ahead of me any more and tell me to hurry up.”
It seems to me that the child has a point and I have to ask “what am I always rushing to do that is so important that I miss out on my fleeting opportunity to hold his hand and enjoy the view with him.” Hmmm… something to think about.
Anyhoo….I am looking forward to returning to KTN on Sunday and I am so thankful that treatment though uncomfortable gives me hope……..in the mean time thank you all for keeping me in your prayers ….Julie
Shawn Patrick Sande clowning around at the Seattle Aquarium
April 2, 2007 – Chapter Three
Howdy Gang!
It’s me and I’m happy to report that I am in heels and back at my office which feels very, very nice.
I am slightly overwhelmed at the moment so if you guys don’t mind I thought I would try to send out a weekly update just so I am not having to type the same stuff so many times… don’t get me wrong. Please keep in touch. I would love to correspond with all of you individually but I’ll keep sending the general updates for a bit to keep you all in the loop. You can delete me if these seem tedious or let me know and I can take you off the list.
We made it home yesterday and have unpacked and officially started all of our “First Day Back” routines today. Shawn and Campbell are back to school and both Trevor and I are back at work. Today has been my best day in a long time and I have exactly 19 more minutes to enjoy it before I hop over to the hospital for my bi-weekly expansion of 50 cc’s which I can do here in Ketchikan. Honestly, those leave me HATING life and I find myself looking at 5 story windows longingly. Is it still legal to joke about killing yourself when you have cancer? Any hoo……I’m just joking, but for the record, the expansions do hurt…..a lot.
I hope to have those wrapped up before my first session of chemotherapy which I think will be April 18th. Stacy Schulz is my doc and has been gracious enough to agree to coordinate with my oncologist at Swedish so I hope to be vomiting from the comfort of my own bed for the next 6 months. My oncologist said that I may not lose all of my hair, just some of it. Hmmmmm…..I can’t imagine which is worse, me bald or me with patches of hair? Oh well, it’s nothing that my little buddy, Jesse, at Gene Juarez can’t fix. He promises he’s up for the task and even offered me the private room if I need it so he can give me the buzz cut without curious stares. I am trying to look at the bright side… my hair care bill just got much cheaper.
I am a little behind the ball on researching supplements to take with my weekly injections of rat poison so let me know if any of you have information about them…I had a lot given to me before the surgery but wasn’t up to reading it then… to be honest I think I was hoping that I would just be a temporary member of the breast cancer club and I wouldn’t actually have to join.
I was thinking that I might like to gather before I start treatment just in case I’m not up to entertaining for a bit… I would love to cook and hear the chaos of hordes of children running through my house….. April 14th? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone?
Well, that’s all I know for today…. That and today I am grateful for the sun on my back and the sound of feet running on pavement.
Love to all of you…..j
April 11th, 2007 -
Howdy Gang!
Just my weekly update to let all of you know how I’m doing…..Easter was great and thank God the Bunny didn’t forget our house……Campbell was worried because Steve Kemble told her that he was going to catch him and string him up because the damn bunny shit in his yard last year. I wish I had a picture of my daughter’s face as she tried to put this new and rather disturbing information somewhere in her brain. She didn’t back down though, she told him she knew the bunny was coming to her house and thank God he did arrive….marshmellow peeps and chocolate lambs in tow.
The kids had a spectacular day and thanks to the Eichner Family and their grandparents the kids enjoyed a day filled with celebration which is exactly how I like to picture my babies on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
As for life in the “cancer club” …the best I can say is that I am muddling through the experience. “Fake it till I make it” has become my motto and I’ve decided that even if I feel like crap I am going to put on my “mommy/administrator” face/heels and “fake it till I make it”. I only had one really bad day last week where I just tried to do too much in one day and was a sad little puddle of a human being by dinnertime and then one bad day again yesterday. I am learning the ropes of “limitations” though and have figured out a schedule of sorts: I scheduled my expansions for the end of the work day on Mondays and Thursdays, so…. Mondays and Thursdays are my best day to run errands and get real work done in the office. Monday nights and Thursday nights are the worst of it in terms of gut wrenching/writhing/tear my hair out pain.
I am still hoping to gather on Saturday evening if anyone is interested……I don’t know what kind of shape I’ll be in but I’m going to give it a shot since I plan to be in hybernation for the near future and I would really love to see all of your faces. My plan is to cook and I will call everyone if it looks like I won’t be able to…..please consider this your invitation…. Our house….. dinnner……drinks…..kid chaos…… 6:00 p.m Saturday. (Respond to this e mail if you think your can come so I have a decent count)
If you can’t come but think your kids would like to please send them along with someone that you know who is coming. I would almost rather see the kids than the adults. Something about those little hugs that just takes the edge off the pain. Little Mr. Hayden Michael Trudeau is my most effective pain killer yet. I keep telling Cheri he’s the nicest thing anyone has done for me since I was diagnosed.
So the update for the week is: I’m fine or at least getting through it…….kids are good…. Dinner this weekend at our house…..hopefully only three more expansions left for this beat up body…… and Chemo to begin on Wednesday.
Anyhoo…. This week I was inspired by long stem white tulips, by red balloons, the company of unexpected friends, and music that moves me to better places and better times.
Love to all of you…..my friends…
Julie and Hayden Trudeau at his first Sande Dinner Party
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