Chapter Thirty One – January 27, 2008
Ribbons of laughter.
So that’s what I keep thinking about this week. I had this experience at a cabin among friends which is always good for the soul. I believe in my heart that this is what possibly plagues those who are landlocked and citified. I believe that perspective is always restored in a cabin among friends….this is particularly therapeutic when the cabin sits between the shore and the forest and is stocked with a plentiful supply of food, alcohol, gossip magazines, and firewood.
So I was running around town the morning we left….. chores to do and things to get ready in addition to the Saturday morning “kid schlepping” which is part of my world. I try to pretend I don’t enjoy this part of my life but to be perfectly honest I do…I love it. Yes, I am frantic, and sometimes grouchy when faced with a tight schedule and missing shin guards, swim suits, tutu’s and gymnastics gear… but if you all promise not to tell, I will let you in on a secret. I love being a mom, and love being a mom on Saturday mornings while schlepping my kids to all of their adventures, all the while feeling grateful for the purpose they give me and the title that I am most honored to bear. I am “Shawn and Campbell’s Mom.”
Anyhoo – so on that particular morning I was VERY busy as I had to make several stops before we were to be picked up on the beach at Settlers Cove. About half way through my morning I had to remind myself to breathe in and out so as to avoid having a stroke between rushed sips of coffee while throwing gear at my children in the back of the car and shouting things like: “For God’s sake, just put the leotard on!”
My friends give me a hard time for the way that I take care of them. I like to cook for them and I like to watch them come to my home or to the Sande Cabin and I like to watch them relax and enjoy themselves. It’s one of my favorite things. So I think people are under the misguided notion that I do all of that work for them. The reality is that I do it for very selfish reasons. I surround myself with people that make me laugh and in exchange for my time and my mom’s recipes; they give me so much more than I give to them. They make me laugh… and often… they give me that when I need it the most. So that morning when I was cursing at myself for not being more organized and trying to figure out in my sluggish chemo brain whether I could physically accomplish all of things still on my list before the pick up boat left the shore and wondering if my mother was right when she said that I just keep my schedule this busy because I obviously hate myself and am trying to punish myself for unnamed sins. I thought of that and then I thought of what I wanted to get out of the weekend and why I felt like I needed to go at all.
It was so simple really, so simple that I said it out loud…“Laughter… I am going to the cabin for laughter.” Yep, splendors of the simple sort… I was going to the cabin to get from my friends what they give me best… laughter.
Oh my Lord! I love Southeast Alaska. I talk about it all the time. You all know it, I’m a Southeast girl at heart and I do so love being an Alaskan, but more specifically, I love being from Southeast and I believe that if you come from this region that I can relate to you in some way… what is that Emily Bronte quote that’s so fantastic? “Whatever it is that our souls are made from, yours and mine are the same.” I probably crucified that quote. Anyhoo… you get my drift. But sometimes we get busy and we drive to work and we drive home without looking to the water…or we get in the boat and we forget to take a deep breath and capture the salt air in our lungs and hold onto it for a second… we forget. I was lucky because it had been awhile since I’d been on a boat and so I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with my surroundings. I do so love Southeast Alaska, and I especially love it when I am in a boat and I have a beer and the wind and the waves and the greens and blues make such a powerful statement that you realize they feel like an old friend that you haven’t seen in a long time and you feel yourself rushing into them.
Ribbons of laughter.
So that’s what I keep thinking about this week. I had this experience at a cabin among friends which is always good for the soul. I believe in my heart that this is what possibly plagues those who are landlocked and citified. I believe that perspective is always restored in a cabin among friends….this is particularly therapeutic when the cabin sits between the shore and the forest and is stocked with a plentiful supply of food, alcohol, gossip magazines, and firewood.
So I was running around town the morning we left….. chores to do and things to get ready in addition to the Saturday morning “kid schlepping” which is part of my world. I try to pretend I don’t enjoy this part of my life but to be perfectly honest I do…I love it. Yes, I am frantic, and sometimes grouchy when faced with a tight schedule and missing shin guards, swim suits, tutu’s and gymnastics gear… but if you all promise not to tell, I will let you in on a secret. I love being a mom, and love being a mom on Saturday mornings while schlepping my kids to all of their adventures, all the while feeling grateful for the purpose they give me and the title that I am most honored to bear. I am “Shawn and Campbell’s Mom.”
Anyhoo – so on that particular morning I was VERY busy as I had to make several stops before we were to be picked up on the beach at Settlers Cove. About half way through my morning I had to remind myself to breathe in and out so as to avoid having a stroke between rushed sips of coffee while throwing gear at my children in the back of the car and shouting things like: “For God’s sake, just put the leotard on!”
My friends give me a hard time for the way that I take care of them. I like to cook for them and I like to watch them come to my home or to the Sande Cabin and I like to watch them relax and enjoy themselves. It’s one of my favorite things. So I think people are under the misguided notion that I do all of that work for them. The reality is that I do it for very selfish reasons. I surround myself with people that make me laugh and in exchange for my time and my mom’s recipes; they give me so much more than I give to them. They make me laugh… and often… they give me that when I need it the most. So that morning when I was cursing at myself for not being more organized and trying to figure out in my sluggish chemo brain whether I could physically accomplish all of things still on my list before the pick up boat left the shore and wondering if my mother was right when she said that I just keep my schedule this busy because I obviously hate myself and am trying to punish myself for unnamed sins. I thought of that and then I thought of what I wanted to get out of the weekend and why I felt like I needed to go at all.
It was so simple really, so simple that I said it out loud…“Laughter… I am going to the cabin for laughter.” Yep, splendors of the simple sort… I was going to the cabin to get from my friends what they give me best… laughter.
Oh my Lord! I love Southeast Alaska. I talk about it all the time. You all know it, I’m a Southeast girl at heart and I do so love being an Alaskan, but more specifically, I love being from Southeast and I believe that if you come from this region that I can relate to you in some way… what is that Emily Bronte quote that’s so fantastic? “Whatever it is that our souls are made from, yours and mine are the same.” I probably crucified that quote. Anyhoo… you get my drift. But sometimes we get busy and we drive to work and we drive home without looking to the water…or we get in the boat and we forget to take a deep breath and capture the salt air in our lungs and hold onto it for a second… we forget. I was lucky because it had been awhile since I’d been on a boat and so I couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with my surroundings. I do so love Southeast Alaska, and I especially love it when I am in a boat and I have a beer and the wind and the waves and the greens and blues make such a powerful statement that you realize they feel like an old friend that you haven’t seen in a long time and you feel yourself rushing into them.
Campbell Rose and Sean loading up after a weekend at the Mitchell's Cabin
You know what inspired me? There were lots of really good moments…fireside on the beach, stories in a hot tub, sleeping in bags side by side with friends, listening to really good music… but I had this moment that I kept, it was the kind of moment that you look at and then close your eyes so that you can capture it, and tuck it away in your heart as a snap shot of your life. As everyone was situated, eating good food and enjoying each others company I looked around the room at several different conversations all going on at once and I listened as they laughed. All of these independent conversations going on about different things, but the room was filled with it. Laughter. From my seat next to the little wood burning stove the laughter sounded as though it was floating. I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like if there was a ribbon tied to each laugh… bright colored streams of satin floating between us, binding us together, and filling the room with extraordinary hope.
Love to all of you,
j
1 comment:
Julie,
Hey Julie, I do not know if you will remember me but we lived in Turner Hall together. I just got back in touch with Racheal Beck and she told me about you blog so have been reading it.
Wow you are one heck of a writer which is really no surprise to me as some of the best advice I got in my life came from you.
Anyway I would love to hear from you. My email is njritland@bresnan.net
All my best,
Nikki (Kuntz) Ritland
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